Day 24 - Can't Sleep

Day 24 - Can't Sleep

Image by Dyvo
This is exactly how I've been feeling for the last few weeks... I try to go to bed, but all I do is toss and turn for a few hours before I can finally drift off. THEN when morning comes you can't get me out of bed until at least 11 AM. I hate this endless cycle.

I've been thinking a lot lately- of where I fit in life. I've taken on a lot of projects in the past couple of months and I'm starting to feel the strain of it all. I start these new ventures because they spark some magic feeling inside me that I want to feel more of-- but I can't have it all. And when I look at it, its really hard to choose which path I want to take because right now the study that will be my career (graphic design) has become one of the things I'm least enthusiastic about. I am not an artist in the sense of a brush or a pen, and trying to DEVELOP those skills is taking the most out of me right now. But the things I am good at are things that just won't put me in any sort of financial stability. So I'm sort of at a faltering point, and I need to set myself straight soon. Very soon, before I crash and burn.

Ambient bedroom light with a vivitar 285 HV 1/4 power shot at the beginning of the exposure at 5 o'clock
I played a lot with the grayscale mixer in Lightroom to get this gritty effect here...

Previously Published In:

Image by Earthworm
As far as getting published, the lesbian community has been very good to me. I also made a splash as the first out lesbian columnist in the local community newspaper, a position I applied for as a "woman of some color".

Palo Alto Weekly: Ten Good Reasons To Be A Lesbian 2/24/93.
While the editors of this free weekly thought it would be cool to have a lesbian columnists who was also a minority, enough of the community did not, and harangued the paper about the pervert they had allowed to grace their pages. After four appearances over that year (1993), the paper caved to this pressure and terminated my spot. They might have been able to keep me had I stuck to safe topics like gays in the military and did not divulge details of my personal life, but they were unable to communicate this to me for fear of appearing to be homophobic.

The first time I alerted them to homophobia in the community they obliged by running an article written, by a staff writer, called "Out In Suburbia". That was in 1992 (7/22/92) and they put me on the cover with my then lover. This was pretty radical for the suburbs even in a university town, but I had already appeared in the rival paper in an article about homophobia in schools. My first public appearance as an out lesbian was much earlier, riding with the Dykes On Bikes in the gay parade in San Francisco in the early 80s. I had nothing at stake since I refused to choose a career path that would require me to be in the closet and got my degree in graphic design where the queers hung out.

Encountering Cultures: Reading and Writing In A Changing World, 2nd edition, edited by Richard Holeton, 1995.
My appearance as a columnist in the Weekly led to publication in a text book being edited by a Stanford English professor at the time. He paid 0 for "Ten Good Reasons To Be A Lesbian" which he just happened to come across while perusing the Weekly. I was very proud to appear in the same volume as Alice Walker, June Jordan, Amy Tan and Maxine Hong Kingston along with a heap of other famous writers.

Dyke Life: From Growing Up To Growing Old, A Celebration Of The Lesbian Experience edited by Karla Jay, 1995.
This was lots of fun since many famous lesbian writers contributed work and there was room for lots of new writers with short pieces. My story of writing for the Palo Alto Weekly appeared in this volume along with "Confessions Of A Lesbian Vampire". This allowed me to wear some very sexy vintage dresses to the readings.

On My Honor: Lesbians Reflect on Their Scouting Experience edited by Nancy Manahan, 1997.
Every lesbian writer who was a girl scout wanted to be in this anthology. I was chosen because my experience included having a mother who was a scout (girl guide) and because as an immigrant my scouting experience was part of my introduction to American culture.

The Lesbian Polyamory Reader: Open Relationships, Non-Monogamy, and Casual Sex edited by Marcia Munson and Judith P. Stelboum, 1999.
My ex-lover and I were non-monogamous; that is until she broke the rules and had a secret affair with someone who wanted her on an exclusive basis. I worked through my grief and betrayal by writing a chap book of poems which I sent to everybody in our circle of friends and then some. One of the editors of this anthology saw the book of poems at my friend Stacy's house and asked if I would allow them to be published. I also submitted an erotic poem that was not in the original set.

Every Day Mutinies: Funding Lesbian Activism edited by Nanette K. Gartrell, Esther D. Rothlbum, 2001.
This book, actually a journal, was being edited by two women who already knew me. The premise was that lesser known writers would interview famous lesbians about their contributions to lesbian activism. I think it was all because Nanette wanted to interview Martina Navratilova. I was given the task of interviewing Jewelle Gomez author of The Gilda Stories. We were the two women of color in the book. Lesbian academia is very white which is why I was so sought after.

I haven't been asked to write anything since this last one. I think it's because the community has made it into popular culture and there doesn't seem to be as much need for us to record these kind of personal stories. I would vouch for a need to record more cross cultural stories, but I'm not connected enough to know if that is happening, nor have I bothered to look. My writing career was not nearly as lucrative a pursuit as organizing people's messes. This could change.

~Colorain~ by Alberto Cerriteno | July 17 2010

Image by OhNo!Doom Collective
OhNo!Doom Presents:
~Colorain~ by Alberto Cerrinteno

Alberto Cerrinteno kicks off our 7th show this year. We are all really excited to fill the gallery with such colorful pieces.

...About Alberto Cerriteno:
Alberto was born the second out of four children in Mexico City, surrounded by pencils, architect papers, watercolors, ink and other art supplies. Alberto started his professional career during his high school years, working from different government organizations to private advertising agencies and graphic design studios. He opened his own graphic and multimedia studio in 1998 in Mexico City and after 7 years of intense and one of a kind projects, he earned a few awards that gave him recognition in his field. He made a move to Portland. During his free time he began to create an extensive artwork portfolio. Nowadays, he is still creating, working as an illustrator and designer while raising his two little boys with his wife in the city of Seattle, WA.

~Colorain~ by Alberto Cerriteno | July 17 2010

Image by OhNo!Doom Collective
OhNo!Doom Presents:
~Colorain~ by Alberto Cerrinteno

Alberto Cerrinteno kicks off our 7th show this year. We are all really excited to fill the gallery with such colorful pieces.

...About Alberto Cerriteno:
Alberto was born the second out of four children in Mexico City, surrounded by pencils, architect papers, watercolors, ink and other art supplies. Alberto started his professional career during his high school years, working from different government organizations to private advertising agencies and graphic design studios. He opened his own graphic and multimedia studio in 1998 in Mexico City and after 7 years of intense and one of a kind projects, he earned a few awards that gave him recognition in his field. He made a move to Portland. During his free time he began to create an extensive artwork portfolio. Nowadays, he is still creating, working as an illustrator and designer while raising his two little boys with his wife in the city of Seattle, WA.

~Colorain~ by Alberto Cerriteno | July 17 2010

Image by OhNo!Doom Collective
OhNo!Doom Presents:
~Colorain~ by Alberto Cerrinteno

Alberto Cerrinteno kicks off our 7th show this year. We are all really excited to fill the gallery with such colorful pieces.

...About Alberto Cerriteno:
Alberto was born the second out of four children in Mexico City, surrounded by pencils, architect papers, watercolors, ink and other art supplies. Alberto started his professional career during his high school years, working from different government organizations to private advertising agencies and graphic design studios. He opened his own graphic and multimedia studio in 1998 in Mexico City and after 7 years of intense and one of a kind projects, he earned a few awards that gave him recognition in his field. He made a move to Portland. During his free time he began to create an extensive artwork portfolio. Nowadays, he is still creating, working as an illustrator and designer while raising his two little boys with his wife in the city of Seattle, WA.